An Ashley Madison Profile Review for James

Looking4James asked for some thoughts so here they are

This is the screencap James sent me. He’d also cut an pasted the text. I’d blacked out his photos because he asked, but I would have done it anyway. As always, my recommendation is no headshots on the profile. Body shots are fine, because they leave some doubt as to who you really are. A head shot doesn’t, and trust me, a Private Investigator will be searching for you with a headshot. (Screencap: Author via Looking4James)

Having had some success with reorienting Charles’ profile, I was approached by another gentleman to see if I could look at his profile. I said sure but wondered if I should start monetizing this. My Medium Sherpa Roz Warren suggested $100 a pop, and that’s likely the value, but I’m not sure I’m there yet.

I’m shy about asking for money, and indeed that would be a lot of money, but if there’s a market, perhaps I should start. I suppose I would also have to provide a more comprehensive service as well, which means more time that I’m not sure I have right now.

What I’m noticing about both Charles’ profile and this one, belonging to James, is that I could see they were both trying to say something but weren’t quite getting there. The result was some unintended messaging that may have detracted from their overall goal.

The Challenge

James sent me the following from his Ashely Madison profile –

Username: Looking4James

Greeting: “Looking for a kindred spirit ……”

About me:

I have been told that I am a good listener & am very easy to talk to.

Having said that, I am a picky sapiosexual looking to make a connection with a kindred spirit. I am really hoping to find someone with a strong mutual connection who becomes a friend with whom I can share all of my intimate thoughts with & vice versa and in time hopefully be an attentive & generous lover. Not looking at changing their current relationship status or mine. I am very discreet. Btw — with the right person — I can have a certain naughty/kinky side as well.

Laughter & having fun is important to me. It should be such an integral part of all of our lives. If you haven’t found what you are looking for on this site — ping me. Would love to chat, see if we have any common interests/predicaments, hopefully a strong connection & we can take it from there. At a minimum — we will share a few good laughs.

Ladies — if you are really unsure about what you want in a partner — here is a brief video that really describes me. I hope it is what you want/need: https://youtu.be/W7ZrBCY9ipI 🙂

(do yourself a favor and watch this video, it is a little hilarious)https://www.youtube.com/embed/W7ZrBCY9ipI?feature=oembed

When you reply please let me know the first thing you plan to do once all of us get our vaccines & this pandemic subsides? There are a lot of bots on this site wasting our time & this will allow me to realize you are not an automated piece of AM code.

My Recommendation

This recommendation is a slightly modified one from what I sent him. I didn’t run that one through Grammarly or have a second read of it. Also, unlike Charles’ I didn’t build it for him like this but only sent my analysis.

I’m told I am a good listener & am very easy to talk to.

I’m looking to make a connection with a kindred spirit who likes quiet conversations that run into the night.

I am hoping to find someone to build a strong mutual connection with. I’d like to become friends first to trust her with my intimate thoughts before taking it further. I’m an attentive & generous lover who is looking for more than a casual connection.

I’m sexually adventurous, so never be afraid to share your deepest desires with me so that we can explore them together.

Laughter & having fun is essential to me, and I try not to take myself too seriously. When we are together, I want you to forget everything else, if only for a moment.

I would love to chat to explore our common interests and desires and see where that leads us, whether that be a laugh or possibly more.

Ladies, if, in your heart of hearts, you’re looking for this guy -link to the above video — I can be this guy for you.

The Analysis

“I have been told that I am a good listener & am very easy to talk to.”

I liked this line.

“Having said that, I am a picky sapiosexual looking to make a connection with a kindred spirit.”

Picky sapiosexual — this reminds me of something the girl in the video link would say. The word picky conjures up an image of a five-year-old who complains because the potato touched his carrots. I’d drop it.

Sapiosexual is a little pretentious, so if you are attracted to intelligent women, it might be better to say that. When I see words like this in any writing (that isn’t academic), I think of someone trying to show they are smart, but it doesn’t tell me they are, so I become suspicious. Humility is the better approach.

Also, the average woman might think you’re too smart for her, or she isn’t smart enough for you, and so be intimidated by the words and pass on you.

Try this — I’m looking to make a connection with a kindred spirit who likes quiet conversations that run into the night.

“I am really hoping to find someone with a strong mutual connection who becomes a friend with whom I can share all of my intimate thoughts with & vice versa and in time hopefully be an attentive & generous lover.”

This sentence is too long and it doesn’t seem like something a sapiosexual would write. I might be a bit of a stuck-up bitch, but my first thought is a sapiosexual also assumes they themselves are intelligent, and so I would expect they should be able to write a better sentence. That’s not an insult, just an impression. When you set the bar sapiosexual high, the person on the other end might judge you for it.

Really hoping is the same as hoping. It’s a fluff word of no utility or impact like “very” is.

Also, we form mutual connections after meeting someone, so you really can’t find someone who already has that.

Easy with sharing and over-sharing the intimate thoughts as well — that’s coming in a little strong and can scare a woman a little.

Vice-versa sounds transactional.

When you say attentive and generous lover, do you mean her? You? Or both of you? It’s ambiguous.

Try this — I am hoping to find someone to build a strong mutual connection with. I’d like to become friends first to trusther with my intimate thoughts before we take it further. I’m an attentive & generous lover who is looking for more than a casual connection.

“Not looking at changing their current relationship status or mine. I am very discreet.”

This really has been overdone on AM. I’d say get rid of it because people who want to keep their current situation are on AM for that reason. If you weren’t, you’d be on Tinder.

“Btw — with the right person — I can have a certain naughty/kinky side as well.”

I’d just make this a sentence and get rid of the btw. BTW does not say — sapiosexual to me. It says texting grammar, which is fine for texting but not here.

Try this — I’m sexually adventurous, so never be afraid to share your deepest desires with me so that we can explore them together.

“Laughter & having fun is important to me. It should be such an integral part of all of our lives.”

Yes, it should be, but you and the lady aren’t going to have lives together, so avoid mentioning it.

Try this — Laughter & having fun is essential to me, and I try not to take myself too seriously. When we are together, I want you to forget everything else, if only for a moment.

“If you haven’t found what you are looking for on this site — ping me.”

This makes you seem like plan B. As if you are saying — Yeah if nothing else works out, you can always give me a shot. It’s not what you mean to say, but it’s what I’m reading. You need to tell me why I should ping you because of you, not because of how bad other people are. I’d get rid of it.

“Would love to chat, see if we have any common interests/predicaments, hopefully a strong connection & we can take it from there. At a minimum — we will share a few good laughs.”

Again, strong connections are built, not discovered. Leave the predicaments until later when you’re chatting. She has them, and you have them. She’s here to get away from them, as are you. You don’t need to remind her of that right out of the starting gate.

Try this — I would love to chat to explore our common interests and desires and see where that leads us, whether that be a laugh or possibly more.

“Ladies — if you are really unsure about what you want in a partner — here is a brief video that really describes me. I hope it is what you want/need: https://youtu.be/W7ZrBCY9ipI :-)”

I loved the video, but the text doesn’t work with what I think you are trying to do here.

Try this — Ladies, if, in your heart of hearts, you’re looking for this guy — insert video link — I can be this guy for you.

“When you reply, please let me know the first thing you plan to do once all of us get our vaccines & this pandemic subsides? There are a lot of bots on this site wasting our time & this will allow me to realize you are not an automated piece of AM code.”

I’d say get rid of this. I’m not exactly sure how bots work, but I suspect few women actually reach out with messages, so while I know it costs something to see what the bots send you, I’d not expect women to reach out to you. Few have any need to based on the men who get in touch with them through their messages.

You’ll only ever see the first six words of her message anyway, so the better way to tell that she’s not a bot is if she looked at your profile before messaging you. And the bonus is she doesn’t feel like she has to write an essay test question before getting a reply from you.

Profile Recommendations

In addition to the text, I gave him a brief rundown on what his profile data looked like.

Get rid of that fuzzy profile picture, and use AM’s generic one. When you do that, your greeting gets posted there. That’s a better advertisement for you than a fuzzy picture.

Your profile name — Looking4James

My guess was he meant she is looking for James, but it reads like he is looking for James. James is a dude, so she might be confused and think he’s looking for a man. Also, the name he used in his profile was a stereotypical name that has become an urban myth, like Run Forrest Run is, so I pointed that out.

As it turns out, James (or the real name he used because I’ve changed this one here to protect his identity) was the nickname his friends call him. As James pointed out in reply to my analysis, it was an OPSEC fail. Do you think his wife would recognize his nickname? Yes, she would. It was an OPSEC fail, but not a big one, unless she went looking for him on the site.

In either case, I thought he should change it to something that says maybe a little more about himself or what he was looking for.

Perhaps Looking4 — and then the name of an intelligent chick first name that people might recognize, or something to do with a kindred spirit, was the recommendation. Or Looking4Her.

The bottom line is your profile name is best used to draw her in, rather than tell her you’re looking for a guy.

The Takeaway

She wants to know a bit about you, how you think, and how you write when she reads your profile. She wants to be comfortable that you sound like a decent man. No, writing a good profile isn’t the only way she’s going to assess that, but it is one way. The other will be your messages, but it will all start with the profile. If she likes the profile, she’ll be more tempted to reply. If she doesn’t like the profile, then she probably won’t.

When you’re on a dating site, you are selling yourself. You aren’t someone’s Plan B. You are the product she wants to pick up, so you need to tell her why it’s you and not another guy. Are grammar and clarity everything? No, but would you trust Coke if they had errors in their ads or told you to try them if Pepsi didn’t work out? You wouldn’t because you expect them to take time telling you why you should drink Coke.

It’s no different here — you are Coke, so sell Coke.

Take the time and send the right message. It might not bring them in the door, but it won’t push them away either.

And for the man who’s seen my profile suggestions and thinks they can copy them into theirs, just remember that you have to be able to back up what you say. This was written for James based on what he provided about himself. I’ve just helped him say it better. What that means is James can back it up. You’re not James, and you’re not Charles, so if you think you can take what I’ve written and use it for yourself, fine, but be aware that women will expect you to back up your words.

Here’s some more Ashley Madison profile and message fun!Can All the Gentlemen of Ashley Madison Be This Stupid?
Testing the pathetic waters for sport and adventuremedium.com


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© Teresa J Conway, 2021

By Teresa J Conway on .

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Exported from Medium on April 8, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts, and I'm a fair-weather tweeter @tjconway69.

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