Adulterous Jealousy Happens

Living with the green-eyed monster

Photo by Zbysiu Rodak on Unsplash

A couple approached him for a three-way, and he told me about it the morning of their meet. He’d been with the woman the week before, and I was fine with that, but this one caught me off guard.

We were doing our usual morning sexy chat when I found out. He dropped it in as we were talking about how hot I thought a threesome would be.

He texted: The woman I met last week just asked if I wanted a 3sum with her and another guy tonight.

I didn’t own him, and he’d seen other people, so I figured, fine. We weren’t living in the same city, and even though I was flying in that weekend, I replied:

Ok.

He’d been with her before, so why not again?

But then I started thinking. Who happens to get in touch for a threesome on the day of the threesome?

Was it like, “Oh, I was at the store and picked up this extra cock. Do you want to bring yours over and both fuck me together?”

Dates with strangers take planning — a lot of planning.

No one on Ashley Madison falls on a cock accidentally. You need a cover story, a place, a confirmed date & time, and so on.

No one rents a hotel room and waits for a fuckable to walk through the door.

I stewed on it that afternoon, and the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

Something Was Up

It wasn’t a coincidence. At that point in our affair, my son was dragging us through the dirt, and I couldn’t believe a single thing he said. To make matters worse, my spineless hub lied for him, making me the bad guy all the time.

I was sick of people lying to me, and now my lover was lying to me too.

What should I have expected? My mistake was trusting a cheater, I told myself.

After his date, he texted as he always did. I’d asked for pictures, but they were too busy to take any. Another slight.

My blood was boiling, but I tried not to show it.

The next day he’d had a family emergency, so I didn’t bring it up.

Part of the reason we connected is because our kids both have emotional problems, and I didn’t want to distract him.

The Showdown

But the day after that I was flying in, and I let him have it.

I called bullshit on “just happened to ask,” and demanded to know when they’d set it up.

After some tooth pulling, I learned the date was in the works for days. Of course.

I told him: I don’t know what asking me was for. You already said yes. No one books a hotel on a maybe.

And then I got: You could have said no.

Right.

I had already agreed he could see other people. We weren’t exclusive, he had a shitty homelife, and I didn’t see him as much as he needed.

But I didn’t always like it. It depended if they were a threat or not.

Older? Fine. Shitty in bed? Perfect. Needy or pathetic? Awesome!

Fuck away! I thought, they can’t replace me.

But when I caught him in a lie, it threatened what I thought I had.

What else was he hiding? Who else?

I was furious and jealous of the bitch.

My Green-Eyed Monster

I didn’t mind him fucking her the week before. I asked and got some hot pics to masturbate to, but that was all in the open. I knew they’d been talking and making arrangements.

He’d seen five or six others, and only one of those bothered me (younger/no notice). Now, here he was sneaking around and setting up the threesome he knew I’d wanted, but with someone else.

Was I sliding down his priority list? Was I losing him to her?

I only flew in every five or six weeks, and she lived right there. I couldn’t compete with her and his lying made me think I was and losing.

His Green-Eyed Monster

It’s ironic that he gets jealous of my husband. He knows we don’t have sex, but that’s not why. He and his wife don’t have the same relationship I have with the hub.

So when the hub and I do those things couples do, it upsets my lover. Things like baking birthday cakes, breakfasts out, or long Sunday drives.

I can spot his moods and always ask.

It bothers him because his wife doesn’t do those things with him. And that I’m doing them with someone else.

I called it irony, but it’s human nature. We excuse ourselves for the things we don’t forgive in others all the time.

He wasn’t thinking of me when he was with the others, but couldn’t handle me baking hub cake for his birthday.

Jealousy is a natural emotion when you have feelings for someone.

And that was our problem.

That weekend, I thought I was losing him, which made me realize how much he meant to me.

He was my lifeboat on a stormy sea, and I was desperate to hang on. There wasn’t room for other permanent passengers in the boat.

Getting Over It

Going through this, we realized we both felt the same about each other and were able to move past it.

Now when we have sex with other people we do it together. Which is an entirely different situation.

Although he cut contact with her, she emailed him later and asked if we wanted to get together. She’d found a guy who was open to a foursome.

…almost

When he asked if I was interested, I said,

“No.”

I think he wanted to, otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked.

But just because I love him doesn’t mean I forget why I was jealous.

That bitch can find her own goddamn lifeboat.


Loving anyone can be hard. Adultery makes it harder —The Misery of Adulterous Love
The love that dare not speak its namemedium.com


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© Teresa J. Conway, 2020

By Teresa J Conway on .

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Exported from Medium on March 25, 2021.

Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts, and I'm a fair-weather tweeter @tjconway69.

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