But were afraid to ask.
“Hotwife looking for a dom Bull, BBC preferred, for ONS/FWB NSA fun times. Can host. No MM, please, not looking for drama. DDD.”
“Cyber or EA, and maybe more. Chemistry is important, so let’s get to know each other. OPSEC is a must.”
“Bi-female FWB wanted for an MFF situation. 420”
It was Greek alphabet soup. I knew sexy things, but over 25 years of marriage, it turns out I’d lost touch with more than a warm body. Lurking apps using both male and female profiles to see what a good write up looked like was futile without an Annie Decoder Ring. They weren’t all hard, but there were a lot of them. Discussions in the subreddit r:/Adultery were so slang filled I didn’t always make sense of them. So, I copied the acronyms and jargon, pasted them into the Urban Dictionary, and slowly learned to speak cheater, one letter at a time.
Anyone under 40 could probably stop reading here, but should head to the comments to remind us Boomer and Gen X cheaters how old we are. For everyone else, hold on to your bonnets:
AP — Affair Partner. Used to differentiate them from your spouse or whomever you’re cheating on.
AFF — Adult Friend Finder. App for finding sexy singles, couples or groups for threesomes and moresomes.
AM — Ashley Madison. The married dating app where people might lie about their height, but not the reason they’re there. It’s AM to the cool kids.
BBC — Big black cock.
BBW — Big beautiful woman.
Bi-Curious — This usually refers to women who are willing to try a same-sex situation.
Blow up your life — When it all comes crashing in. A careless or crazy AP can blow up your life by outing you to your spouse.
Bull — A dominant strong man with a big cock who’s willing to use it, often on a hotwife in front of her cuck (see below).
Busted — Caught cheating.
Cake Eater — Someone who gets sex at home but goes out for more, like a person who eats their cake, but wants it too. They aren’t respected, even among cheaters, which is saying something.
Chemistry — Most women and many men need a spark before getting naked. No spark, no naked. Try not to take it too hard.
CL — Craigslist. The adult content has mostly been removed from CL now.
Consensual/Ethical Non-Monogamy — A more sophisticated way younger folk say open marriage/relationship. These people are usually pretty down on cheaters because that’s non-consensual non-monogamy in their books, which isn’t ethical.
Cuck — As in cuckold. A man whose wife is cheating on him. A hotwife’s husband is referred to as cuck. It is meant to emasculate him.
Cyber Affair — Some people want to exchange sexy emails, pictures and videos, but not meet. It’s cheating lite and probably a precursor to a physical affair.
DADT — Don’t ask, don’t tell. When you both agree not to ask for or give each other personal information about your families or lives.
Day Rate Hotel — Some hotels charge a cheaper rate if you only need the room for a few hours. Phone and ask. Some do, some don’t. The girl on the desk giggled the last time we asked for a day rate room. They know the score.
DB — Dead bedroom. Low or no sex primary relationship. Some cheaters start in a DB, go on to find a DB support group, realize they are sad and lonely too, and then move on to cheating.
DD free — Drug and disease-free.
DDD free — Drink, drug and disease-free.
Dom — Dominant during sex and control the other person. Sometimes bondage is involved, but not necessarily.
EA — Emotional Affair. When you fall for them, but don’t meet. It’s another cheating lite situation.
FFM — Threesome with two women and a man. The FM are usually looking for a bi or bi-curious F, because of course he is.
FWB — Friend with benefits.
HL — High libido, as in, “I have an HL.”
Hotwife — A wife whose husband gets off by watching her have sex with other men, usually a bull. Sometimes one of the two of them will humiliate hubby by criticizing his small cock as they have relations.
Host/Hosting — You can meet at theirs for sex, or they can’t host, meaning you’ll have to find a place to meet.
LDAP — Long distance affair partner. The one who passes through town occasionally, or a LDEAP referring to an EA of course.
Lifestyle, the — Swingers refer to swinging as the lifestyle, they go to lifestyle clubs, and talk about how long they’ve been in the lifestyle.
LL — Low libido, as in, “I have an LL spouse.”
LTAP — Long term affair partner. As it suggests, it’s along term relationship. This is what I wanted and what I have. I only have one AP and like what we have. Also LTEAP.
MM — Married man. In context, you’d say, “MM looking for an MW.”
MMF — A threesome with two men and a woman. Admittedly, I knew this mmmmmm. Some will say MFM means the men aren’t bi, while MMF does, so be aware of the potential nuance.
MW — Married woman.
NC — No contact. When an AP or potential affair partner drops off the face of the earth and stops communicating, it can mean they’ve been busted, or just moved on. It’s confusing and it hurts.
NRE — New relationship energy. The buzz you get when you first meet someone and can’t get enough of them. It’s an intense puppy love and it’s wonderful. Some cheaters chase this high like addicts — because they are addicts.
NSA — No strings attached. Sex without commitment or drama.
ONS — One-night stand. Nothing new here.
OPSEC — Operational Security. When cheaters talk about the things they do to avoid getting caught they call it OPSEC. It’s a military term refering to hiding what you do from the enemy — your spouse is the enemy.
pAP/PAP — potential affair partner. A person you’re chatting up online, but you haven’t met. You’d tell another cheater you have a pAP lined up, or have met a new pAP. Also pEAP, pLDAP or pLTAP.
PoF — Plenty of Fish. Dating app. Never used it.
Primary Relationship — The relationship you’re in that includes things like a social circle, kids, bills, mortgage, and…your spouse. It’s the one you want to keep because you can’t afford to lose it, for financial, social, or personal reasons.
SB — Sugar Baby. Young women who get things from older men for sexy favours. I’d love to be one, but that ship sailed, then sunk, long ago.
SD — Sugar Daddy. The older man. He might say in his profile that he’s looking for an SB to spoil.
Second Virginity — The first time you have sex outside of your marriage, some cheaters will say they’ve lost their second virginity.
Sexless Marriage — When you have sex ten or fewer times a year. Yeah. This is how you end up in a DB. This is my story.
SM — Single man.
Sub — Submissive. Someone who likes to be controlled during sex. If you meet up with them, you might have to take control. The reality is they are in control and when they submit to a Dom, they may be so self-centred that they won’t realize Dom has needs too, depending on what the sub wants.
SW — Single woman.
SO — Significant other. Your enemy.
Thirsty — What to call someone who seems a little too desperate. Being thirsty isn’t cool, but sometimes it is. Like, “he seemed a little too thirsty, so I went NC,” or “I was thirsty for him.”
Tinmanning — It’s when you or your AP blocks out emotions, just like the Tin Man on the Wizard of Oz, who had no heart. Not getting the love back can be a little hard sometimes.
V-Safe —He’s had a vasectomy.
Wingman — They’re the one who keeps you safe. They know all your secrets. They will cover for you, know what hotel and room you’re in, and when you’ll be done. Pick the right one, because they can blow up your life.
xAP — Former affair partner. You can have an xLTAP, xEAP, etc. By now you see how this works. In discussion with another cheater online using these acronyms quickly provides a frame of reference.
420 / 420 Friendly — Weed friendly, which is fine, but if you’re driving, you should avoid it.
I’m sure I could go on, but I’ll stop there. I learned enough to get what I want and to help any MM or MW escape their DB and find that DADT NSA FWB of their dreams.
An abridged extract from my book — How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress
Join my email list for more — JOIN NOW!
© Teresa J. Conway, 2020
By Teresa J Conway on .
Exported from Medium on March 4, 2021.