Five Reasons I Choose Adultery Over Divorce

It’s simple.

A chain of pink and blue paperclips runs across a rough surface. They are broken in the middle, between a blue and pink link.
Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

The most common comment I get across my platforms when I mention cheating is –

“Why don’t you get a divorce?”

That is a great question. Why don’t I? Here’s the listicle:

1. Divorce is Expensive

Not only the cost of the divorce proceeding, but dividing assets, pensions, alimony, and everything else? No thanks. We would both be worse off than we are now financially, and that’s not a great place to be in at this point in our lives. Despite this, I also know that I would be better off if I divorced over the long run and that they wouldn’t be.

2. Divorce Costs Social Connections

I’m comfortable where I am. Divorce divides more than money and assets, but it divides social relationships as well. I’m happy with what we’ve got and don’t want it to change. But, I would like to meet more couples for sex, as I’ve done with my affair partner, if anyone was asking…

3. Divorce For Sex Is Dumb

Other than sex, our relationship is ok. Is it one I would have picked if I got the chance again? Probably not, but most aspects of our life are alright. We don’t always fight or bicker, we get along, and we enjoy doing things together. There are some harsh words at times, so it’s not always a bed of roses, but what relationship?

It would also mean I would be divorcing so I could have sex every couple of weeks, which is all I need. And that math doesn’t add up to divorce. Out of a year, I need about 26 hours of sexual contact. The actual sex takes half of that. So, is throwing it all away for 13 hours of trains and tunnels a year reasonable? It isn’t. But I need those 13 hours.

4. Divorce Of An Ill Spouse For Sex Is Heartless

At some point in his life, he will need a full-time caregiver. Even now, signs of memory loss are clear. While it is not a disease like dementia, some of the manifestations affect memory. That’s now. Later it could be another system or function, like walking. He will need someone, and I’m that someone. I’m not sure anyone else would do it. I’ve already done things no one else would do, and more is coming. This is what “for better and for worse” means for me — cleaning up actual shit into my 70s.

5. Divorce Will Come, If I Get Caught

Why rush it? If I get caught divorce will happen, so there’s no reason to divorce before getting caught, because — I might not get caught. The cost will be the same no matter how it goes down. It might hurt a bit more, but I’ll get over. More of the group situations that I’m starting to like will probably help.

No Good Article Fails to Mention Jesus

Usually, the people asking me why I don’t get a divorce have no idea what my situation is. That allows them to look at it based on the facts they think they see, and judge me on what they would do — or hypothetically do I should say — because they really don’t have a clue.

Jesus reminded us to — 

“Judgeth not a woman until you’ve walked a mile in her heels.”

definitely Jesus

He said this knowing we normally couldn’t give two shits about the other person’s experience before judging them. 

So, zip it. I know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, and what people think of it. And guess what? I know it is not good! Yet I still somehow manage to enjoy the sex.

And so, when the day comes for you. You know, the one where you find yourself alone, lost, and finally desperate enough to seek comfort in someone else’s arms? Know that I won’t judge you.

I’ve already walked that mile.


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Author of How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress, several short stories, I'm active on Medium @teresajconway where I sometimes share my blog posts, and I'm a fair-weather tweeter @tjconway69.

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